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[06 Jul 2002|11:49pm] |
LMAO "Trading spaces is Grant's fav show too!!!"
I had a nice chat with Caitlin..she always cheers me up. Shes meeting me after work and we're going to eat together. I'm so excited, I've missed her. we've both been so darn busy we never see one another. yay i actually have something to look forward to :-)
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[16 Feb 2002|07:23pm] |
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"Depression is like a large Black Cape, that comsumes our souls and sinks our hearts. It sweeps you up and leaves you with uncontrollable feelings of loneliness, lost , confusion, and so empty.... The Darkness covers any hopes to dream or see a future. The doors leading outside close , and all light is gone.... Seperating us from the world - Even God."
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[15 Feb 2002|11:41am] |
five items you have brand loyalty to.
-kate spade purses..fuck the imitations.
- diet coke, i wont drink store brand
- clinique happy perfume
- shampoo/conditioners
- pop tarts
five phrases you use.
- "not uh"
- "thats so chill"
- "ya know"
- "oh my god"
- "god, thats so annoying"
five snacks you enjoy...bahaha..
- chocolate fudge brownies
- ice cream
- mac n cheese
- muffins
- anything dippable in mayo
five songs you know the words to, even without the music.
- britney spears-overprotected
- michelle branch-all you wanted
- almost any blink 182
- any beatles song
-sarah mcLachlan-surrender
five games that you like.
- the game of life
- scattogories
- jenga
- monopoly
- bullshit! (card game)
five albums that changed your life...they havent 'changed' my life, but helped me..
- michelle branch-spirit room
- britney spears-oops i did it again lol..stronger is the best song!
-saves the day-stay what you are
-dido
-cant think of a 5th
I wish my life would change drastically by music.
five things you can't live without.
- love
- acceptance
- music
- shoes
- my car
five good things to touch.
- my hair
- food :x
- snow
- pillows
- kitties cats
five things you'd buy with one thousand dollars.
- more clothes
- a new snowboard
- food :x
- a ticket to hawaii
- cds
- five things you've owned over the past ten years.
- my dog
- pictures of when i was actually happy
- childhood sticker collection
- pens
- cant think of anything else
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[15 Feb 2002|11:14am] |
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im glad v-day is over..just a day that intensified my loneliness, depression, blah blah. i babysat last nite, i should of been on the couch making out w/a bf or having sex, but nooo, of course not. i feel abnormal, i mean i am 19 years old almost 20 and STILL a virgin. i feel..strange. i want sex bad, but yet when i think if i were given the opportunity, i would either 1) freak out or 2) just do it and then feel like a total dirty skank and hate myself and want to die. so...it obvious that keeps me away from it. but its weird because i act as if ive been sexually molested, or something and i havent. if i were raped or molested in the past then yeah, my behavior and attitude would be understandable, but i havent. i mean, i have an Ed, and hate my body, but is that why im so scared of sex? but if i hated my body and self as much as i do then why should i care what i do with it? you'd think id fuck the whole town considering how much hate i put on myself. sex is an act of life..maybe thats it, im scared of life, scared of sex?
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[13 Feb 2002|10:21am] |
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when i say i feel like shit..i feel like shit. i called work this morning and said im not feeling well and wont be able to make it in..well the stupid bitch manager asks me why i didnt call earlier and that i still need to come in for at least an hour to work fucking take out then she'll send me home. stupid bitch i want to puke in her fucking face
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[24 Jan 2002|08:50pm] |
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i did it again. when will this end. when will i live life and quit this
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[23 Jan 2002|06:01pm] |
Savannah laughed today when I told her I like Mike!! lol gheesh.
It felt really good though..I'm proud of myself for expressing my feelings..that was a release. It hurts to hold in...like I ALWAYS do.
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[22 Jan 2002|03:33pm] |
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no fucking shit i have to pay, u dumb bitch.
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[12 Nov 2001|07:28pm] |
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i think i'm destined to be alone forever...life sucks..im gonna be bulimic then die.
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[18 Oct 2001|11:29pm] |
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i just ate 8 hershey miniatures. damn me and this chocolate.
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[13 Oct 2001|05:54am] |
i went to sleep for the first time w/out b/p in a long time. i wanted to b p so bad but i didnt want to go out for food at 1:30am. i ate a slim fast bar instead, and controlled myself.
the hunger pains hurt though. i woke up once at 3am and ate one lollipop, went back to sleep then woke up at 5:30am and ate a yogurt and i want more food but i dont have any. ive eaten 565cals and kept it down for today and im hating myself. i never keep down anything..its so sad a slim fast bar and a yogurt can cause my head this much stress but i cant help it. this makes me so depressed, i dont see myself ever being 'normal' around food...food..i fucking hate that word.
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[12 Oct 2001|11:59pm] |
I worked my first friday nite take out..holy fuck. it was so busy that i got so overwhelmed and frusturated by it all, i brokedown, i couldn't hold back my tears. it was that bad. the manager was super nice though, he helped me stay calm.
Although the night was hell, the tips made up for it. I made $71 bucks in tips. fuckin swwweeet.
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[10 Oct 2001|01:38am] |
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its 1:30am and i ate about 10 starbursts and a chocolate power bar. BLAH!
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[16 Sep 2001|03:56am] |
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At 9pm i was falling asleep, but couldn't becuz i was babysitting. Now its 4AM and i cant sleep a wink..what the hell.
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| Tired, quickie entry.. |
[09 Sep 2001|11:46pm] |
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Mest-Long Days, Long nights |
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Work wasn't too bad. I wish Mike worked tonite, but he didnt. I cant wait to be a server, eventhough i'm a lil fearful..I'm excited, i need the extra $$$...Patrick gave me a hug & kiss on the cheek tonite...what a warm, loving feeling..i was reminded that there are people who actually care about me...i need more of that in my life.
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| INSOMNIA |
[04 Sep 2001|02:49am] |
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IT IS ALMOST 3AM AND I'M STILL UP. I HATE THIS. WHY CAN'T I BE SLEEPING LIKE A GOD DAMN NORMAL PERSON
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